20170830

Back to work. It was a day of hectic cleanup. Part of me enjoys that as it makes the time pass quickly.

I ate in the break room, which is unusual for me. I’m making an effort to be more approachable. It didn’t work out that well today, but that’s largely due to half the office being off today.

It was a nice evening with a meditation, some reading, and a hike.

I started floating the idea of forming a small Tarot group as I’ve been neglecting that and I miss it. It will be nice to get a few people  together to review generally accepted meanings and share our stories.

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20170829

The squirrel came back and spent the whole morning again.

Did some work and chores. Went for a hike.

Played cribbage, had nice conversation and great dinner at Dick’s.

Something spectacular has settled upon me today. I started to type ‘occurred’, but it wasn’t that sudden. It was more like this has been building for a while, but it didn’t make its presence known until now. Anyway, what I know now is that I no longer fear being alone. That’s not to say that I don’t fear loneliness. I’m struggling with that in particular right now, but what I know is that this is temporary. I know now, on that level that I’ve learned not to question that something healthy and nurturing is on its way. (these are not even my words, they are just what popped into my consciousness)

In light of these events, a few people have made comments about how I need to take care not to do similar. It is really odd, the expressions they show when I tell them that, if I were going to do that, it would have happened a long time ago. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to say. I don’t know. I just know that it is true. I had those times when I looked that darkness in the eye and decided that I wasn’t ready to give up.

 

20170828

There was a large squirrel hanging out on my wall all morning. They don’t come around that often and they never stick around this long. Since the squirrels were a frequent topic of conversation, I believe that she was sending me a message via squirrel. She wants me to know that she’s better now.

I made more progress with the living room today. I like it as I have a big open space now that can be used for additional seating, a folding table for games, or dancing.

While hiking, I had a revelation. A perspective that I hadn’t considered before occurred to me. If nothing else, I was able to show a truly tortured soul that enduring and unconditional love was real. Maybe that was the whole point. In return, she showed me that the kind of relationship that I’ve always longed for is in fact available to me. I wasn’t sure that it was.

Spent the evening at JoAnne’s, celebrating David’s birthday a few days early. It was a great dinner and fun conversation.

20170827

Service was difficult but good. There was much love and support.

I believe that I experienced a moment of grace this morning.

Started rearranging the living room as I didn’t make the best use of the space when I moved in.

I didn’t want to be alone all day, so Larry and Beth allowed me to hang out with them for a while. The introduced me to ‘Adam Ruins Everything’ which I’m going to have to watch now. Floated in the pool some more and had a nice dinner.

20170826

Started the day with some BRB work and chores. Met Ralph for lunch and then went to the library. I haven’t been spending enough time at libraries lately. There is something nice about being in that space. Made some more progress and then went to a gathering at Larry’s. It was nice and rejuvenating to float in the pool for a few hours.

20170825

Today was better than yesterday. I met Nance for happy hour. This was a really special thing as we’ve talked about doing that, basically since we met. This seems to be a time of tremendous change and upheaval for many of us. There are large shifts in the energies of the universe. While it awful at times, I remind myself that it has never not led me to where I needed to be.